058. Power Inside of Me
Tennielle Clark
Certified Personal and Professional Development Coach, Podcast Host
Website: shespeaksbougie.com
Instagram: @shespeaksbougie
Twitter: @shespeaksbougie
Podcast: She Speaks Bougie
Tennielle Clark is a certified personal and professional development coach. She created the podcast She Speaks Bougie as a way to curate stories around our culture, wellness, and lifestyle topics. Each conversation was created to illuminate the uniqueness and vibrancy of the black woman experience. In this first year of the podcast launch, She Speaks Bougie has gone international with listeners in the UK, Ireland, Africa and more. She is dedicated to allowing black women to tell their stories without them ending up as hashtags.
It was an absolute pleasure being able to chat with Tennielle. I love being able to talk with people who are so willing to be vulnerable and honest about their experiences.
Sexual abuse and assault is such a difficult thing to talk about. But it is absolutely something that needs to be talked about. Unfortunately, it is extremely prevalent in our society. Especially children.
Sexual abuse of children has always been something that sickens me, but not having my own children, it has become something entirely different. It’s no longer something that happens. It’s something that is a very real danger for MY children. That has completely changed the way I look at things now.
We talked about it in the episode, but have conversations with your children. Age appropriate ones, of course, but have conversations with your children. Here are a just a few ways you can help protect your children from childmind.org (you can find more there as well):
-Teach correct body part names. Penis, vagina, scrotum, vulva, etc, are not bad words.
-Teach your children that some body parts are private.
-Teach boundaries—no one should touch their private parts and they shouldn’t touch anyone else’s.
-Tell your kids that body secrets are not okay. (We go so far as to say that we don’t keep secrets.)
Also, don’t make your children give hugs or kisses. Don’t force them to do things with their bodies that they don’t want to do. We give our kids options. “Would you like to give Grandma a hug goodbye? A high five? Just a wave?” Allow your children to have autonomy and a choice in it. It teaches them that they are in control of their bodies.
And finally, Listen. To. Your. Children. If they try to tell you something, listen. Start a conversation. You are their parent. Their protector. Their support. Their encourager. Their everything. When you have a young child, you, their parent, are their everything. So listen to them.
Now I’ll get off my soapbox and leave you with quotes from the episode.
I was just so scared and so shocked... that’s where I learned to lie. And by lying I don’t mean like, outright, like the sky is green, I just mean I knew how to acquiesce to what the other person wants to hear. So I just said ‘Sure, yep I lied. I was wrong. I don’t know what I was thinking,’ and just let it go.
One of the protective things I had to do was create a house for myself in my mind, and place the little girls, that were varying ages, in certain rooms, and be able to lock the door and make sure they’re safe... That was something I never was able to do when I was growing up.
I truly had to go through relearning and unlearning what it means to be myself, because I was a strange bird, and it’s hard to express yourself and to explain to other people... like, yeah I’m touchy feely, not because I like you, but because that’s what I think it means to express myself with you.
But as a woman, to say I was molested by women... that one’s a little harder, because women are supposed to be nurturers. We’re supposed to be the ones that you come to when you’re in pain or when you want to have a good time, like fun. We’re the ones that make the cookies and have that special place no matter where you are in the world. And to know that women are capable of taking that away, and tarnishing that is hard to deal with.
At the end of the day we’re all in pain. We’ve all gone through something. We’ve all had to go through some semblance of healing over something.
A light bulb went off, because that tells me that people look at your source of power and they want it for themselves. And so they try to take it from you in any way that they can. And usually when it’s children, because you don’t have a voice, they take it from your body. And when they take it from your body, you are left with nothing... because you don’t have the words and now they have taken that innocent part of you because they wanted it for themselves.
There’s something inside of me, there’s a power inside of me, and you and the listeners, that somebody, the devil, the spirit is going to try its hardest, it’s damndest to take it from you, and you have got to acknowledge that there is something worthy to be taken. And now that you know that it’s there, you’ve got to hold onto it and never let it go, and harness it and nurture it, because there’s something to behold once you actually access it.
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